I’m a mess…

By Lisa on 09.29.2008

Well, shitty day we had here.

The girls were getting off the bus, and 2 cars behind the bus was a baby blue pick-up truck. I heard him talking pretty loud, just thought he was loud. Nope. He was trying to lure my girls to his truck. You guys, I don’t know whether to throw up, cry, or go beat someone’s ass.

They got off of the bus, and I realized he was talking to my girls when he yelled ‘Hey, I think she likes you!’ (very creepy like), and then goes to the girls, ‘Hey baby, come here! Come here, baby!’

Luckily my girls are so smart, and headed for the house, where I had watched every second of it and was already heading out to the driveway. The neighbor lady had been in her garage, and heard him yelling to the girls, and she came out to make sure they were ok, and when he saw her, he started driving away slowly, still watching the girls (and I don’t mean just watching them, it was like creepy checking them out kind of watching them) and then he saw me heading out, and he took off.

One of the neighbors was out in our shop so I yelled out to him to see if he heard the guy, and when I told him what happened (Clint wasn’t home yet), he got in his car and flew down the road to try and find the truck. In the meantime, Clint got home, I told him what happened, and we called the Sheriff. After I called and told them what happened, they had 2 patrol cars out looking for the truck. Nobody found him.

Neighbor came back and said someone down the road told him that the same truck goes by every single day. So when the Sheriff showed up at the house and questioned Abbie and I, we let him know that, so he’s going to be here for the next couple of days before the girls get off of the bus and watch for this guy.

I seriously cannot go to sleep. Everyone is in bed, and all I keep thinking is that if I’m not right here and awake, something could happen. I just don’t even want to think of what could have happened if I wasn’t right at the door when they got home, or if the neighbor hadn’t been out there. It just makes me sick. Abbie was scared to death, but was better after the cop assured her that he would be here tomorrow to make sure they were both safe.

I am gonna head in and just sleep in their room. Hopefully they find this guy and tell him what an ass he is and do something about it.

Giving Permission

By Lisa on 09.25.2008

For the past month or better, I’ve been walking 2.5 miles a day (36 minutes) with my aunt, 5 days a week. Today we upped it to 3 miles (48 minutes). We always have great talks while we’re walking. We have a ton in common and are so much alike. Today we got on the topic of emotional eating, and how when you go on a diet you immediately want everything that you know you can’t have.

She told me, in a comparative way, how she quit smoking. She gave herself permission. In one day, she changed her thinking, and she quit. That day. She gave herself permission to smoke. She told herself that the cigarettes are there, I can have one if I want to, but I choose not to. She never bought another pack of cigarettes again. My argument to this was, ‘But, food you HAVE to have to live. Cigarettes are not something your body needs, therefore easy to go ‘cold turkey’.’ Her response? ‘But you choose to eat the good or the bad. It’s up to you to choose.’

Hearing her talk about this, it made SO much sense to me. I beat myself up when I eat something I shouldn’t. I deprive myself of so much because I don’t want to end up beating myself up over eating it. Vicious circle.

Today, I’m giving myself permission.

weigh-in…

By Lisa on 09.16.2008

So I didn’t journal my weigh in last week. I went through a terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE, munchy few days and seriously couldn’t get a grip, resulting in a 4 LB. gain last week. unbelievable. This week, though, I have lost exactly that 4 lbs.

The stomach flu has gone through our entire household. All of last week, beginning at 2 a.m. Tuesday morning, it went through Abbie, then Clint, then Megan, then me, then Megan again, then me again. It’s been a miserable week, but everyone is back and better now.

Hopefully next week will be another loss. I always kick myself when I have those kinds of gains because I could be 4 lbs. less than I am right now if I had a bit of control.

Tonight the new Biggest Loser starts. I cannot freaking WAIT. I have been drooling over the commercials and can’t wait to see it all!

Self-esteem is overrated.

By Lisa on 09.13.2008

4 words. My self esteem sucks. I just got back from getting my hair cut, and as soon as I walked in, before I even got it cut, this lady that works there says ‘Your hair looks SO cute on you!’…it felt great! Then I sat in the chair. Saw my reflection, and had to avoid looking in the mirror while talking or laughing the whole time because I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. And everytime I saw my hair I was like ‘What exactly was that girl TALKING about??? My freaking hair is RETARDED’…

And all it is is my weight. That is the common denominator to my unhappiness. No matter what, it always comes back to the fact that I’m so unhappy with myself. And what happens when I get unhappy? I feel horribly depressed, my OCD kicks into high gear, and, oh…yeah…I eat. Emotional eater? That would be me.

IF I used the EFF word this post would be full of them. But I don’t EFFIN use it. Scuse me. I think I’m better now.

Weigh in day again!

By Lisa on 09.02.2008

I will update more later about our Labor Day Weekend, but I will tell you it was our 2nd 4 day weekend camping trip and it was amazing.

This morning though, for weigh in, I lost 3.5 lbs. this week!!! That puts me at a total of 31.5 lbs. lost (from my highest weight) and I need 26.5 lbs. to get to my lowest weight of 239 that I reached before gaining some back. That seems like SUCH do-able number. Can’t WAIT to hit it again.

Alone = weight loss?

By Lisa on 08.27.2008

I want to start this with a huge thank you to everyone who commented on the picture in the previous post. It really made me feel good. I will be by to visit everyone soon!! (Mel, I didn’t know you were posting again!!! & KENDRA - I can’t get into your site … can you send me an invite? I miss reading you too!) Thanks again!!!

This has been such a tough day. I have read so many blog of mommas so happy kids are back in school. Am I the only loon that is so sad that the house is quiet today?? I really don’t like this. I haven’t been by myself in over 10 YEARS. It’s going to take some getting used to.

One positive of the crazy morning, now that Clint has gone into work and I really am home alone, I feel very calm. I don’t feel the need to do every task at 100 mph just so that I can have it finished before the kids decide to mess it up again. I also sat and ate lunch by myself and totally took my time. I didn’t rush through the meal. I found myself almost not knowing what to do between bites, because I was able to enjoy the meal and not have talking or some crazy movement happening somewhere that kept me distracted. I feel like it’s going to be easier to concentrate. Weird.

I also start walking with my aunt today at 2 p.m. There is a 2.3 mile walk she has mapped out and I will meet her after she’s done work on M-T-W-F at 2 p.m. and in the morning sometime on Thursdays. I’m so excited to have someone that is just as excited as myself to do this with me. And the even better thing?? She walks fast like I do!!!

Could me being home alone for a few short hours a day help my depression and even my weight loss??

Short & sassy

By Lisa on 08.26.2008

About 3 weeks ago I got my hair cut. off. I’m talking over 8″ off the bottom. Crazy. But now that I look at old pictures of me with long hair, I like this so much better. It actually has personality and doesn’t look like I’m hiding behind my hair. It was a bit of a crutch I think when it was long.

Weigh-in day…

By Lisa on 08.26.2008

After a full week of doing really great, walking EVERY SINGLE DAY, and one bad day yesterday (including craving a big ol’ spoonful of peanut butter before bed, but I did walk), and the wonderful blessing of ‘that time’, I have gained back the 1/2 lb. I lost last week.

don’cha just love being a woman?

Week 2 Weigh in

By Lisa on 08.19.2008

We have spent the past 4 days in Kentucky at the Kentucky Horse Park. It was so beautiful and relaxing. We took our new pop-up camper and stayed in the Horse Parks’ campground. The first 3 days I did awesome with my eating, and of course walking the Horse Park (Saturday we walked for 5 hours total). Sunday night, we decided to make S’mores on the campfire. I have not had a S’more in YEARS. I had one. Then 2. Then wanted to puke. Monday was just an average day of eating. We were on the road all day coming home (6 hour drive), so I could have made better choices when getting lunch, but I chose flavor over being good. For dinner we ordered pizza, so I got my favorite thin crust white pizza with tomatoes and mushrooms.

All of this craziness resulted in a 1/2 lb. loss this week. It could have been better, but I’m happy with not gaining at all after being away from a regular routine.

YEAH BABY

By Lisa on 08.12.2008

Today was my first weigh in since starting WW last week. 3 LBS! I have a feeling there is more to come!